Day 4: All about me

Firstly in Day 3 Grandkids I got it wrong.  So sorry shane i knew it was over that side of the world somewhere darling but he is going to Cambodia.

Now to todays post - what can i say, all about me, thats boring to begin with.  I have always had a dream of being in a position to help people who have had some rough times.  I began seeking out this dream and started studying at Massey university extramurally to get my Bachelor of Social Work.  Well to say it was tough is an understatement.  Many tears later I achieved enough to gain the Certificate in Social Work.  there must be an easier way.  So I set off to CPIT to attend as a day student.  They would not recognised what I had already done which was disappointing but I though what is three years full time.  So off I went all excitement on my first day.  A couple of weeks into it God decided this was not the way to go about it and crash I was sick.  Many hospital visits and painful decisions later I went back to Massey extramurraly for the second semester.  Great.  I was doing really well and keeping up when I made the fatal mistake of becoming complacent and while on holiday at Cass and Chris's I ended up in Kew Hospital Invercargill.  Then they found out to add to my list of ailments I was thyrotoxic.  I went home feeling miserable.  My GP then sent me to Christchurch for tests.  While there I had another hospital visit that showed I had pancreatitis..  OK God enough is enough, give some to the bastards of the world I have things to achieve here.  And then the clanger.  The doctors told me I had two months to live. 

Now that was a funny moment really.  I cried, I got angry, I got sad, I was all over the place.  I went from not believing them to planning my funeral.  Now four months on and one pregnant daughter, one son and one daughter getting married, one step-son getting married and rushing all over the place I have hardly thought about it lately and yet the prognosis is still the same.  I am supposed to be dying but have got more energy than I have had in years.  I guess God has something else for me to do but he has been a bit low on my agenda lately with the its not fair attitude.  Now I dont have time for that it seems to all be in his hands.  I guess when the time comes I will be well and truly ready for the rest.

Study - well somehow it doesnt seem so important anymore and I have the Certificate in Social Work to prove I can do it. 

Future plans - I dont really have any specific plans anymore except to be there when I can for my family in the hopes that they will have only fond memories of me after I have gone. 

Expectations - The days when I cant breath very well at all my expectations are of a slow painful death then the next day I wake feeling slightly better and my expectations are of being here a long time and enjoying my family.  I guess it is mind over matter and thankfully my illness quite often no longer matters.